Teixeira is not human.
You probably think I'm using this statement as a cute jumping-off point to wax poetic on how extraordinarily well Teixeira plays baseball, but you'd be incorrect. What I'm trying to say is, I literally believe that Mark Teixeira is not human.
Think about it. Sure, you've watched him win a Gold Glove and a Silver Slugger award, but have you ever seen the man blink? According to Wikipedia, "blinking is an essential function of the eye that helps spread tears across and remove irritants from the surface of the cornea and conjunctiva."
What makes Mark Teixeira's conjunctiva different than yours? Cyborg, bro.
I personally try to ignore this rather insane reality. Is it weird that Teixeira could be seen ...
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